maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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