just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
