I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
