her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
