She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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