then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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