did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Less talking, more tequila
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
