I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
