I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize