I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have fence marks all over my body
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
