On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
