I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
