remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
