Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
