the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
