I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize