You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
