I got chris browned last night
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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