i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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