she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i love accidental penises.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
