Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
