I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
