He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
