Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
