there's paper in my vomit.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
