Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
