Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
