Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Small penises have feelings too.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
