I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
