who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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