My nipple is on Facebook.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
