I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
