woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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