I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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