im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize