Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
