gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
