You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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