Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
