I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
