i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize