had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
