In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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