I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize