I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
