Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
