So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well I just put wine in my tea
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
