she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
