SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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