he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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