I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
