it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
