no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
