I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
