Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
