i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
