Your tits are I can't wait for
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
