well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
