I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
