You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
