Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
