I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
