His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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