well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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