the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
