guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
