i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
